Overprotecting children without allowing them healthy experimentation limits their development. It doesn't allow them to reach their full potential and can lead to a toxic parent-child relationship.
Madeline Levine is a clinical psychologist for 28 years, and she has noticed that the family has changed remarkably.
A few generations ago, families were not focused on what children do or do not do. Now parents are overprotective, which has led children to feel helpless, pressured, stressed and depressed.
The parenting term "helicopter" arose in 1969, when Haim Ginnott wrote in his book "Between Parent & Teenager": "My mother hovered over me like a helicopter."
Later, in the 2000s, it was taken up again to refer to a phenomenon that was spreading among middle-class families in the most developed countries.
This new parenting model implies that parents assume a hyper-protective role, they want to solve all the problems for their children, and they want to make all the decisions, even the most inconsequential ones.
It is as if these parents are always hovering over their children, ready to launch a rescue operation when they notice the slightest sign of "danger".
These parents know no limits, neither of age nor of social status: they can go so far as to reproach the teachers for their children's bad grades, even though they are already at university, or they can even accompany them to the job interview and get angry if the interviewer does not allow them to enter during the test.
Your goal in life is to make your child bright and achieve everything he wants, but without having to work.
►Some of the details that reveal a helicopter father are:
– They always speak in the plural, saying things like “how much homework they have given us today!”, although in reality the homework is for the child.
– They hyper stimulate their children, filling their agenda with extracurricular activities, with the aim that they are “well prepared for life”.
– They lock their children under a glass bell, so that they become their voice, preventing them from solving their problems with others. In this way, children never develop the conflict resolution skills they need to maintain good interpersonal relationships.
– They provide instant gratification, please their children in everything, even if they have to make enormous sacrifices. They are always available to entertain their children, so that they end up believing that they are the center of the universe.
►Being a perfect father
For parents, this desire to be perfect at all times and having to deal with their children's problems can be extremely exhausting.
In fact, a study conducted by researchers at the University of Washington revealed that mothers who adopted a hyperprotective parenting style were more exposed to depression and stress, which is due to carrying too much weight on their shoulders.
This tendency towards hyper-paternity only makes children insecure, fearful, incapable of tolerating frustration, making decisions on their own and assuming responsibilities.
In fact, the main problem is that because these overprotected children have never had to test their abilities, they have not developed the necessary self-confidence.
If our son is not learning to read at the speed of the other classmates, why push him? Why not just enjoy the process of how you spell and how you start to write?
And the same for other cases. Instead of helping them with their math homework and doing the sums for them, you have to let them try, to be aware of the results of their own efforts.
We must stop comparing with the rest of the world. This is weakening the children, their inner peace, their self-esteem. And it's also weakening parents. Weaken everyone.
Font: Natural Mom