Quiet children who look at the world from a corner and who obey the first time are not always happy children, no matter how "comfortable" it is for the people around them.
The ideal is to teach respect, not educate through blind obedience that stems from that same anguish that steals identities.
We are not wrong when we say that the issue of obedience is an overvalued aspect, and even misunderstood, by many families.
There is no shortage of parents who are proud of themselves when they see how their children comply with the orders they receive the first time.
Blind obedience is not the same as intelligent obedience, especially if it is applied through fear.
Not if the child is instilled from very early on with the idea that the most important thing is to please the other, leaving aside their own intrinsic needs, criteria and desires.
Sooner or later, the day will come when that little one is no longer considered valuable. Possibly that moment will come when he also stops defending himself to allow others to handle him as they please.
“The purpose of education is to show people how to learn for themselves. The other concept of education is indoctrination”.
►The quiet child and the effect of authoritarian education
There are Boy Scouts. One of those who touch everything, who look at everything and ask questions. Little colorful ones that occupy spaces with an insatiable curiosity.
They are happy little ones. On the other hand, there are also quiet children, somewhat more reserved, but who do not have any difficulty connecting.
It is enough to find a topic that is of interest to you to see them shine and demonstrate that sensational wealth that they keep inside. They are introverted and happy children.
However, often we can also find those little ones who avoid the look. They seem to look for the smallest corner of their interior to curl up in a ball, to pretend that they are not there. To feel safe from a world that they do not understand, but to which they obey to the strictest order.
It is clear that our children and students need limits and stable rules. However, the quiet child who always obeys without question is very often the product of an authoritarian upbringing. The one where the rules are imposed through the threat and not through intelligence.
The intelligence of those who do not use fear, but empathy. Of those who prefer to transmit to their children the sense of respect and the opportunity to understand why certain rules, certain norms, must be followed.
If we limit ourselves to imposing unquestioning obedience, we will breed immature people, profiles that will always need someone to tell them what to do and what not to do at all times.
In a person's life there comes a moment when they must pay attention to their own internal criteria. The occasional rebellion or questioning the rules that our parents impose on us shapes those first attempts to define our own identity. Something that parents should also understand.
►Let's raise happy children, not children handcuffed by blind obedience
As fathers, mothers or educators, there is something that we all know. Raising your voice and telling a child that "do this and do it now because I told you to" is a resource that saves us time. We do it from the urgency and it gives us good results, everything must be said.
However, what price do we pay with it? What are the consequences of applying an immediate obedience that uses the cry?
The effects are immense. We will shape a child who is quiet or with challenging behaviors. With this type of authoritarian dynamics, we lose the most essential thing that we can build with our little ones: trust.
But how do I get my son to obey me? It is clear that it is not easy, it is not when until now we have only achieved it through threats and punishment.
If we want a child to trust us when we ask him to do or do something, we too must learn to trust him, let us learn to respect them.
Respect is shown by listening. Answering questions, reasoning with them, encouraging reciprocity. Respect is earned by taking into account their needs, their preferences, their curiosities.
Therefore, we must give way to a type of intelligent obedience where the child understands the reason for each thing, where he internalizes the rules, first knowing their usefulness.
We want happy children, receptive to their environment, eager to learn. Not children silenced by the shadow of fear and authoritarianism.
Font: The Mind is Wonderful